5 Things not to Put on your FBI Resume
by the-vampire-act
Summary: ..And one you probably should. Eventual Hotch/Reid.


**I previously wrote this on my CRASHED computer, so this second time around isn't as charming as the first. Also, I Googled what was in an FBI Agent's file, and the results varied so I went with the results that I saw the most…**

**5 Things not to Put on Your FBI Resume…And One You Should with Discretion **

1: Your Family History

Spencer Reid's family had always been….interesting. With an absentee father and a schizophrenic mother, the young boy had to raise himself while taking care of his mother. Often he would hear his mother ramble on for days straight with the ''friends' that she had made, and on those days Spencer would take his homework and a few books up to the attic of his house where his father's study used to be. Quietly he'd crawl underneath the vacant desk and feel tears fall down his face as he read the same words he had over and over as if they'd magically change by mere will.

"_Schizophrenia is a genetic disease that affects the mind-"_

"_Schizophrenics often suffer the loss of sanity and the eventual destruction of all reasonable thought-_

"_Schizophrenics that go untreated often increase their risks of violent phases, hallucinations, and paranoia-" _

Spencer suddenly picked up his book and threw it against the wall. He watched as a picture frame of his mother and father came crashing to the floor. Raging, he carried off down the stairways until he reached the door. Turning back he realized that his mother was in too deep of a discussion with her 'friends' to realize that he was leaving. Spencer wasn't saddened that he would walk out unnoticed but rather at the fact that he could do anything he wanted and she would be unable to pay any mind to it. Sighing, Spencer walked out of the house and slammed the door behind him.

2: Your Prior Employment

You couldn't call it an official job, but it sure as hell helped ends meet. Spencer knew that if anyone knew that a casino was hiding a child in their kitchen doing dishes and cleaning up both him and the company would be in deep trouble. He couldn't find it in him to care though, because both the casino owner and himself knew it was better than other forms of employment the small Las Vegas boy could have chosen. He almost felt bad for how easily he had tricked the young woman into giving him work; he had practically been down on his knees begging her to help him pay for him mother's medicine and their weekly bills. Sure, his father sent them some money every once in a while, but it was just never enough.

Unfortunately, the casino shut down a week later when they found out it 'endangered the historical feel of the environment', whatever the hell that meant. Shortly after his casino stunt, though, Spencer was able to find work elsewhere. He had downsized to an unofficial employment with a café that needed busboys and didn't care who filled the positions.

A year later he left Las Vegas and headed out to CalTech, where trashy college kids paid him to drive them around to off-school parties. A few months after joining the college he was finally able to work at an actual store. So he took a pay cut from his trashy job to work at a more respectable, locally-owned bookstore that was about to hold some big-time profiling seminar.

Whatever, though; he was just happy to be ridden of those damned football players.

3: Your Extra-Curricular Activities

Spencer Reid certainly had never posed suggestively for an art project- let alone for an entire class-full of people! He had certainly never danced with metal as lonely men and desperate molesters looking for their next 'fix' gathered 'round. And he certainly had never played poker illegally or taken apart in a shady business proposition.

No, he seriously hadn't.

Spencer had, however, stalked a profiler who had came to his place of work and talked about a possible opening in something called the Behavioral Analysis Unit. After extensively Googling terms like 'profiling', 'BAU', 'Jason Gideon', and 'criminology'. Spencer put his mind to work for a few weeks, and after two weeks he decided to give it a try. On his breaks he read any books he could find about the subject at his little book store and continued his searches on the internet.

He had stopped reading new books and writing thesis' 'just for fun'. He had halted playing the piano his mother didn't know he had stolen from her, stopped obsessing over schizophrenia, and on a few occasions had ever stopped eating…on accident, of course.

Finally, _finally_, Spencer Reid met SSA Jason Gideon in the same bookstore about three months later.

"So," Gideon smirked as he turned his attention to Reid, "are you ready to stop pretending you have no interest in this 'profiling business'? Because if you aren't, I might have to arrest you for stalking…."

"I'm ready," Spencer smiled.

4: Your Past Relationships

It had all started with a boy named Ethan. He had met Ethan in childhood, and they had been reunited after they both decided to join the FBI. Things between them progressed slowly, but given both of their track records- or lack-thereof, really- they were both more than okay with that. Ethan first kissed Spencer on their third date, and after that they had became much more relaxed around each other. Soon enough they were making out and holding hands like any other couple in college, but just as soon as it all began, it stopped. Ethan backed out of the FBI Training and started shying away from Spencer. Before Spencer could ask what was wrong, Ethan had his bags packed for New Orleans with the promise that they would 'keep in touch'. Unfortunately they would only meet again almost four years later.

Shortly after Ethan, Spencer met John. The blond-headed jock had earned a scholarship through football and was barely passing his classes when they met. At first Spencer was just a tutor, but as time progressed their tutoring sessions switched to make-out sessions. Spencer knew the relationship wasn't going to last, but he kept it up as long as he could. He smiled passed every dominating move that John made on him and pretended to really enjoy all the suggestive, possessive, and undermining names that his new lover had for him. One day Spencer woke up naked with bruises and contusions in literally every spot of his body, and it was what that' literally' covered that made Spencer put his pants on and calmly say 'we're through' to John as he walked out of the door.

Spencer didn't hook up with anyone else after John. Waking up with no recollection of the night before- even with his eidetic memory- was just the wake-up call he had needed. Now, as he smiled nervously at Jason Gideon and his friend Aaron Hotchner, he was beginning to think that that might change…

5: Your Reasons for Joining

It had to do with his childhood- or the absence of it, really. It touched base with his fears of abandonment and of darkness. It seeped through to his intellectual mind and the fact that profiling had become as easy as breathing, and it most definitely had much more to do with a 'deeper meaning' that he may never even known about.

But Spencer Reid was in fact human, and given the fact, he was indeed capable of doing something for shallow and selfish reasons.

"So I hear you're joining the team?" Aaron started seriously.

"Yes, Agent Hotcher," Spencer replied nervously. He had never before met with the man one-to-one, and now that he was he couldn't say he was enjoying it like he thought he would. It was intimidating, and although he knew that it was mandatory for anyone joining Aaron Hotchner and Jason Gideon's team, he couldn't help but think Agent Hotchner was trying to be more intimidating to him than he had been for the other members of the team. He had never been good at face-to-face meetings anyways, but he had never before done it with someone he was interesting in pursuing a relationship with.

"Please, just call me Hotch," the black-haired man waved off.

"Oh, of course," Spencer smiled nervously. He watched as Agen-_Hotch _skimmed through his case file with a look that fit somewhere between confusion and extremely impressed. Being the optimistic person Spencer was, he conquered it was one of confusion.

"Is something wrong, Hotch?" Spencer frowned, mentally testing the waters of how far he could question his new boss without crossing some deep, inexcusable line that would forever shake his life to the core until he was mercifully forgiven only from some higher power.

"I wouldn't call it a problem," Hotch sighed. He suddenly whipped the file closed and looked strangely at Spencer. "You're obviously a very intelligent man, Dr. Reid, and to be honest I think you're over-qualified for the job."

"Are you firing me on my first day?" Spencer frowned deeply.

"No, no!" Hotch corrected, obviously not thinking that the younger man would jump to that conclusion so fast. "I'm just a bit curious….Why exactly are you here, Dr. Reid? Why do you want to be a BAU agent?"

The pause that Spencer had given instead of an immediate reply was both noticeable and dramatically noticeable. It was noticeable because Spencer had in fact dropped both his gaze and his jaw, clearly uncomfortable with replying. It was dramatically noticeable because Spencer had been glaring at Hotch's hands the entire time. Spencer swore to himself when he realized he had bean caught, and because answering the question as to why he was glaring at his hands would be both exceedingly embarrassing and inappropriate, he grabbed the file from Hotch's hands- respectfully, of course- to avoid the previous subject.

"Dr. Reid!" Hotch exclaimed, obviously stunned. "Why did you do th-"

"I…I…" was all that Spencer could muster out before Gideon hopped in the room to his rescue.

"Ah, thank you Spencer," Gideon smiled casually. Then, turning to Hotch, he said, "I apologize, but I asked Spencer if I could have his file so I could finish signing my official letter of recommendations."

"Of course," Hotch smiled too forcefully. He watched Spencer follow him as he stood up, and seeing that he was going to continue follow him he added, "Why don't you go meet the rest of the team?"

"Of course," Spencer nodded. With that, Hotch and Gideon walked away. Spencer paused on his way to the bullpen, or so he had heard it been called. Before his thoughts could drift, though, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "If you didn't want him to know about your family history yet," Gideon whispered in an annoyed voice, "then you shouldn't have put it in the file until after the interview."

"Right, of course," Spencer nodded, going along with the lie. He didn't bother correcting the assumption; the truth was worse, after all. It was better than explaining that he had been glaring at Aaron's wedding ring and certainly better than explaining _why _he was glaring at his boss's ring. Deep down Spencer knew that he shouldn't be disappointed, as he logically knew that he would never be able to be with Hotch…

"_You're a horrible liar, Jason….And don't worry; whatever you told him to hide from me he did somehow…" _he heard Aaron say to Gideon.

Then, as he walked down to the bullpen, he heard, _"He is a magician, after all." _

….And one your Probably should (after joining, of course)

Haley and Hotch were divorced.

That had to be the second-best news he had ever heard, the first being that the BAU was interested in hiring him. Spencer bit his lip; he knew what he wanted to ask the older man, but Hotch had already told the team that he didn't want to join them to the bar. Sighing, Spencer stood from his desk and grabbed his messenger bag. Deciding to take his chances, Spencer stood in front of his boss and demanded his attention. Hotch glanced up from his desk to see Spencer standing over him with a slight frown.

"What's wrong?" Hotch frowned. "Did something happen?"

"No, but something's about to," Spencer replied. "Come on, we're going to the bar."

"I already told the team-" Hotch started with a sigh, but Spencer effectively halted him with a shake of the head.

"I don't think you understand," Spencer said. "I wasn't asking you- I was telling you."

An hour later both Spencer and Aaron were glaring down their untouched drinks and relishing in the almost comfortable silence. Deciding he had let the air clear long enough, Spencer reached for something inside his bag and produced a legal-sized envelope. Aaron raised his eyebrows as Spencer took out his own agent file along with a pen.

"How do you have that still?" Aaron asked.

"I don't have it still," he corrected. "I asked Strauss for it back so I could make a necessary change to it. She said that as long I had your written permission to do so, she'd approve." Spencer flipped to the second page of the file, which consisted of a basic profile of himself:

Name: SSA Dr. Spencer Reid

Place of Birth: Las Vegas, Nevada

Date of Birth: September 28th, 1985

Address: 1234 Washington Street; DC Apartments

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Interested in: Men

At first Aaron stared at the paper confused; he didn't understand what change he had made…_Oh, _he suddenly realized. And then everything else slowly came into place. He sighed as he stared back at his subordinate, who was currently waiting for him to take the pen and sign his approval. Spencer expected Aaron to scribble a signature and walk away. Instead Aaron carefully scribed his name down and dropped the pen. Smiling Aaron leaned forward and almost laughed at the startled look on Spencer's face. "Ah, Spencer," he breathed out, "you're not very subtle, are you?"

But before he could respond, Aaron's lips were smacked against Spencer's own...

And Spencer couldn't argue with the results, no matter how fixed the trials had been.


End file.
